"Happiness is a mood...

...Not a destination." - Julian on One Tree Hill

Feeling getter today. Not sure why I just am. Spent the day cuddling and playing with my little girl while watching movies on Netflix.

I've also been watching reruns of One Tree Hill on here and the quote that is my title just made me think. I need to just focus on right now, not what will happen later, not even an hour from now. Just right now. This moment, sitting here rocking my baby girl to sleep.

And once she's in bed, a nice hot relaxing shower

It feels good to be back :)

Until next time <3

Motivate me, I wanna get myself out of this bed

I am lacking serious motivation in life lately. I feel like I'm stuck in between a rock and a hard place. I don't feel like myself. I feel depressed. I feel...I feel...actually I think that's part of the problem. I DON'T feel, at least not lately. I feel numb to everything. And when I do feel I only feel angry or like crying. I just want to scream.

This week has been hell. Still haven't moved. So much fighting. Lost a friend...I just don't know anymore. UNT <3

This week has been hell. Still haven't moved. So much fighting. Lost a friend...I just don't know anymore. UNT <3

Sick. Tired. Unhappy. Still no computer. Still haven't moved. Hating life. Uuuuuggggghhhh. UNT <3

Stressville, USA. No computer. Musical. Moving. Baby. Ugh. I'm exhausted. Will update better when I can. UNT <3

Posting from phone because mom is on comp. Still haven't moved :( Seth sounds horribly depressed missing us. Hopefully this has been a wake up call. UNT <3

I'm getting out tonight and you're not invited.

Still haven't moved. Bella and I are staying at my moms until Seth gets everything over to our house. Thats about it these days.

PICTURES!!

Until next time
<3

Is this where the tortured and the troubled find their own?

Seth and I got into a HUGE fight today. My mom took Bella last night because she wanted to spend some time with her. Seth and I talked about us getting some shit done before my mom dropped Bella off this morning but when I tried to wake him up so we could he got a fucking attitude with me. I ended up having my mom take me and Bella to my dads because I was so sick of his shit. I even packed a bag so we could stay there a few days if we needed to. I fought for a good 2 hours through text message before he finally settled down. Bella and I ended up staying the day there and just hanging out with my dad and Olivia. Which was pretty cool because I hadn't seen them in a while. After Seth picked us up and we got Bella to bed we talked a bit. He said he had a plan so we'll have everything done by 9:00 tomorrow night. I don't want to get my hopes up just in case though.

Last night I had a great night though. Since my mom had Bella I went out with my bestie AnneMarie and had a fabulous time. We started out having dinner at a Lebanese restaurant called Habibi. It was AMAZING. We enjoyed some tasty food and wine and talked. Then we walked to one of Portlands tourist attractions Voodoo Donuts. Which is open 24 hours ^_^

They have such a random assortment of specialty donuts.

Including one called Cock-n-balls, which we purchased for Annes husband because we were a little intoxicated and we thought it was hilarious.

I was so glad that I had the chance to just out like that. I needed it for sure.

While I was at my dads I picked up my Wreck This Journal too. Bella decided to help me with it a little and spent some time trying to tear it apart.

I plan on working on that the next time I get bored, to relax, or just whenever I feel like it.

But until next time
<3

I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired

It's St Patricks Day! I guess that should mean something but I honestly forgot until late in the afternoon. I was to busy being annoyed because NOTHING HAPPENED TODAY. Seriously, Seth didn't even get up until 1:00 and then went back to sleep for an hour on the couch. I suppose I can't really say that NOTHING happened because he did go get our new car! He dropped it off at DEQ because the tags were expired so they'll run the standard tests first thing and then we can go pick it up. He said once we do that we will start moving *crosses fingers* I'm going to hope that the luck of the Irish is just a little late for me this year and it'll kick in tomorrow.

While Seth was gone today I started thinking, I am tired of always feeling tired and just generally blah. I'm still working on finding the right mix of mommy and Alex and I think this might be a big step. I spend all my time making sure that Bella eats healthy and is well taken care of that I pay no attention to myself so halfway through the day I'm exhausted. When I finally do take the time to eat its junk and whatever I drink usually comes from an aluminum can. IT IS TIME TO START TAKING CARE OF ME. It is time to cut down on soda and other sugary drinks,

cut down on the junk food,

start drinking more water,

and start eating more healthy.

I also want to start working out a little, something that's easy that I can do with Bella.I am going to focus on relaxing more. Taking time during the day to read, or maybe right or maybe even do nothing at all. I found this website that could be helpful: http://www.donothingfor2minutes.com/. If I take 2 minutes a day to just breathe and do nothing I will more than likely be a lot more relaxed and happy.

I am also going to work on pampering myself more. I honestly can't even remember the last time I went to get a haircut or just did something for me. Even if it is only once every couple of weeks or once a month I'm going to do it. Besides my hair is long over due for a cut and color.

So until next time.
Happy St Patricks Day
<3

Don't try to wake me in the morning 'cause I will be gone

So nothing happened today. I'm sad to say that I should have expected it but I suppose it really wasn't anyone's fault. We got a new car a while back but we were waiting until we moved to start using it regularly so its been at one of Seth's friends houses since we didn't have room around his dads. So anyway, he went to pick it up today and when he got back we were going to start moving. I guess the car sat for to long so the battery froze and cracked. They got it patched so that they could get it charged but it order for that to happen it will have to charge over night. So Seth's friend is going to bring it to us tomorrow. And then we shall commence moving.

My mom has also decided that she isn't going to take Bella tomorrow so I have to cancel my plans with Jordan. She threw a tantrum because while I was talking to her yesterday my phone died and while it was charging I didn't turn it back on so I didn't continue to talk to her and she figured I was "to busy" and that she doesn't need to pick up Bella. I don't really understand but what can I do.

Because of all this I am not in the best mood. Picture time! Maybe some pictures of happy things to cheer me up? Sounds like a plan

Who doesn't like the Peanuts?

Such a beautiful man. R.I.P. <3 Well...I guess that really doesn't cheer a person up that he is gone but this picture to to amazing to pass up

Iced tea always reminded me of my daddy <3

One day I want to go to Australia

My Jordan. One of the most amazing best friends a girl could have <3

Lime Crime lipstick = to die for

My beautiful baby girl.

Here's to hoping something gets done tomorrow

Until next time
<3

I'm attracted to chaos, attracted to rage and I might offend you

Had a nice change of pace today. Seth came home from work and took Bella and I to dinner. It was short and simple but it was nice. We also took a walk in between the rain showers. He also told me that when he was sitting at work thinking about coming home he didn't want to be going back to his parents house, he wanted to be going to our house, that he now understands where I've been coming from these past few weeks when I constantly try to plan our move. He has a friend set up to come over and start helping us move tomorrow morning. It took long enough but as long as he said it, I'm happy. 

Other than that I had an uneventful so I shall post more random pictures of things I like and that inspire me :)

<3 that movie. Heath Ledger, you are missed <3

 

 

My dream car. A 1955 pink Cadillac convertable

One of my fav books. Invisible Monsters by Chuck Palahniuk

My beverage of choice

The camera that took post of the pictures of my childhood

Thats enough
Until next time
<3

Like watching heartache on tv

I have been having trouble with this one lately. I can't seem to find the happy medium between being mommy and being Alex. The stress of everything is really starting to get to me. I'm having trouble sleeping. I'm having trouble eating. I don't feel like myself. I just need a day to be me. To not have to worry about taking care of others. A day to relax and do the things that I love that I haven't been able to do in I don't even know how long.

I need inspiration

I bought one of these some years ago because I thought the idea was interesting. I did a couple pages then kind of lost interest. Now it is just sitting on my bookshelf at my dads collecting dust. I think I'm going to go over and get it soon. Maybe it'll help me relieve some stress and get creative juices flowing.

I've been finding pictures online of some things that inspire me. So hopefully that helps as well. Here's some of my favorites.

 

I'm also thinking of getting a tattoo. Well, I've been wanting one since I was probably 13 or so, I just could decide what I wanted. Now I have a few that I know I will get...if I ever get the money. I think the first one I'm going to get is a quote from Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets by Dumbledore:

"It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities."

I think that is enough for now. 

So until next time 

<3