I'm attracted to chaos, attracted to rage and I might offend you

Had a nice change of pace today. Seth came home from work and took Bella and I to dinner. It was short and simple but it was nice. We also took a walk in between the rain showers. He also told me that when he was sitting at work thinking about coming home he didn't want to be going back to his parents house, he wanted to be going to our house, that he now understands where I've been coming from these past few weeks when I constantly try to plan our move. He has a friend set up to come over and start helping us move tomorrow morning. It took long enough but as long as he said it, I'm happy. 

Other than that I had an uneventful so I shall post more random pictures of things I like and that inspire me :)

<3 that movie. Heath Ledger, you are missed <3

 

 

My dream car. A 1955 pink Cadillac convertable

One of my fav books. Invisible Monsters by Chuck Palahniuk

My beverage of choice

The camera that took post of the pictures of my childhood

Thats enough
Until next time
<3

Like watching heartache on tv

I have been having trouble with this one lately. I can't seem to find the happy medium between being mommy and being Alex. The stress of everything is really starting to get to me. I'm having trouble sleeping. I'm having trouble eating. I don't feel like myself. I just need a day to be me. To not have to worry about taking care of others. A day to relax and do the things that I love that I haven't been able to do in I don't even know how long.

I need inspiration

I bought one of these some years ago because I thought the idea was interesting. I did a couple pages then kind of lost interest. Now it is just sitting on my bookshelf at my dads collecting dust. I think I'm going to go over and get it soon. Maybe it'll help me relieve some stress and get creative juices flowing.

I've been finding pictures online of some things that inspire me. So hopefully that helps as well. Here's some of my favorites.

 

I'm also thinking of getting a tattoo. Well, I've been wanting one since I was probably 13 or so, I just could decide what I wanted. Now I have a few that I know I will get...if I ever get the money. I think the first one I'm going to get is a quote from Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets by Dumbledore:

"It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities."

I think that is enough for now. 

So until next time 

<3

This is madness

I'm kind of scared right now. Japan was just hit with a 8.9 magnitude earthquake which has triggered a tsunami. So now most of the islands are on tsunami watch and they are thinking of adding the west coast of the U.S. I really wouldn't care so much if we had one if I didn't have Bella. I mean, of course I care what happens to everyone but I'm terrified it might come here and we won't know what to do. I just want to keep my baby girl safe....
I'm pretty much stalking this site: http://wcatwc.arh.noaa.gov/.
Please Lord or whatever it is thats supposed to be protecting us, keep us all safe

<3

I think I, I could use a little break, today was a good day.

Although we have yet to move I did have a wonderful day. At first I didn't think my date with Jordan and Anne was going to work out because plans kept getting a little screwy but it ended perfectly. Anne's husband Jeff took Bella to have a play date with their son Elliott so we could adventure. It was a small adventure because it was already late in the evening when it started but it was just what I needed. Starbucks, Barnes and Noble and great friends? what could get better than that.

Unfortunately we weren't properly prepared for the adventure so I didn't get to take any pictures :( so I shall steal them off the interwebzzzzz

The yummy calorie filled beverage I got. An extra caramel, extra coffee frappuccino.

This is the cover of the journal I purchased at B&N.  It is also the cover of the book Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. I think it is beautiful.

My mom is taking Bella to work with her next Wednesday and keeping her over night so we are planning another adventure to start earlier in the day then.

I also got a letter from the beauty school I attended stating that I completed the course. It was about 8 months late but at least I don't have to wonder if I actually finished or not.  It also said that I don't owe the school any money so YAY! All it says is that I have to contact the financial aid department so I can get my certificate and everything will be kosher. I plan on calling them tomorrow.

I did have one upset today though. I had a negative balance on my bank account and was working on finding a way to pay it off but I guess I took too long so they closed the account. I have to go to the bank it get it worked out. I plan on doing that tomorrow as well.

Until next time
<3

So what I'm gonna do now is freak the freak out

Random pictures to give a little more insight into the inner workings of me because we still have yet to move so I have nothing to report

Me when I was about 18. I miss my long(ish) hair

Who doesn't like Darth Vader playing the violin? I took this when we went to Canada one summer many years ago

The Pretty Reckless

My hero. Andrew McMahon

How I spent my childhood. I can't believe its almost over

My sidekick. My lil sis Olivia.

My high school family. The theater tech crew

My buddy Creepers

My two favorite people

I think that may be enough.

I'm looking into getting a new camera since I still have yet to locate the charger for mine.

Until next time
<3

To the sleepless this is my reply, I will write you a lullaby

That face makes everything worth it though

<3

Feel like every chance to leave is another chance I should have took

I have been having a lot of trouble lately. With everything. I feel almost like my depression/anxiety is returning. Although I know it never went away completely so I suppose it makes perfect sense.

Things just aren't happening the way I want them to and its making me feel a huge mix of emotions. We STILL have yet to move so I have been going crazy dealing with my in-laws. Every time we would try and plan to move something would happen so it didn't end up working. I think the major problem with that is that Seth doesn't actually plan anything. He's the fly by the seat of his pants type and I'm the planning type. So whenever I try to plan the move he get frustrated with me. It has gotten to the point where I have thought about just packing up all of mine and Bellas things and just going to stay with my dad until it is all worked out.

The craziness I am feeling because of the in-laws only makes matters worse. Seth's mom is mentally unstable and does the most outlandish things like freezing dirty diapers, talking to herself, and having violent outbursts directed at whoever is nearby and I don't want my daughter around that. Seth's dad on the other hand is a great guy. He's just close to his 70's so he's  from a totally different generation and doesn't understand that we thing differently then him. He is also a bit of a hypocrite. He is constantly telling Seth that he is immature and that he needs to grow up, yet every time Seth does something, he feels the need to baby him. He also feels the need to tell me how to raise MY child. I know it is only because he loves his granddaughter but sometimes its just to much. That is probably my biggest pet peeve about him.

On the other hand, I have recently started talking to a dear friend of mine from middle school/the beginning of high school that I had had a falling out with. We can't even remember why we stopped talking in the first place. We came to the conclusion it was because high school was a terrible time for both of us that we withdrew from everything. We have a shopping adventure planned for next week that I am really looking forward to because not only do we get to catch up but I get a little escape from all this bullshit at home that has been driving me crazy.

Seth has told me that we WILL be moving tomorrow, though I'm not going to get my hopes up. But if we do I wont have internet for a while so I don't know the next time I will get to post.

So until next time
<3